A Thousand Miles Away

As someone says,
"You love your parents, but oftentimes you do not like them."
On the contrary, I loathe someone but I do not hate that person anyway. 　我恨你，但是我並不討厭你

After undergoing some complex matters which are still left unsolved, I often feel ill at ease while talking to another, trying hard to come up with any jokes so that I could get myself involved into a conversation.

However, it often turned out to be in an opposite way.
I retreat to my place, going on with those sound bites, while I have a hollow smile on my face which makes me filled with disgust at myself.
Many times I wanted to escape from that situation, find another shelter, or just let out a cry. But I can't.

So I ran. I ran a thousand miles.
Actually, I havn't run that far--only twenty circles on the playground, just to get rid of thinking myself so ugly. I don't wanna think anymore.

I'm not a pessimistic person. That is how I convince myself. The reason that I cannot bring out the real "Stephanie" is that as I let out a part of my innermost emotions to someone else, I often find myself being hurt. What's more contradictive, that caused not by others, but by the thought of putting the blame on me.

It will never end, you know.

Her existence makes you lose yourself.
Every time you saw that guy, you may think that it is hard to tell apart the differences between us, for you have found her so similar to you. But no one knows, just because you hide yourself.

It is a waste of time to think of those trivial matters, and even more, you waste your time when you feel you're alone. I didn't refuse to loneliness for a period of time, for that is the way how people gain insights into themselves.

But now, even loneliness has left me, followed by another friend.
His name is sorrow.


We are close enough, just a reach to touch.
But it feels like our hearts are a thousand miles away.

~S~



Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles