A-Ju,
sometimes I feel that I've thought too much, worrying too many things at a time, which turned out to be worth nothing. I not only can't even think up any solution but also make myself at a loss...Oftentimes, I don't even know what is annoying me for so long.
As a matter of fact, there is a time I feel delighted. Perhaps if one doesn't feel the things around him, not feeling a slightly pain or a bittersweet, he might not be breathing.
Recently, I saw a commercial on the TV, and it said....
" 'Confidence' is the way you look upon yourself, while 'Charm' is the way how others look upon you. But confidence is the best charm you can get. "
I think I hold the confidence which lies in my heart. However, it is withering.
I find myself awkward to go along with people. Speaking frankly, I appeared harmonious and talkative, yet I always can't fit in the place where I am. What's more, it's difficult for me to express the things I burried in my heart and the subjects in which I really pay interests. I become hard to be understood. Probably I foget how to be the one I used to be. When I care about others, I lost myself instead.
I know I can do many things which others can't. Some are not my privilege, of course, but it may be the only things I can boast of.
For instance, I'm good at performing, making powerpoints, drawing, getting higher scores at English writings, and even good at reciting the twelve birth-pets backward fluently....Nevertheless, these are regarded useless to my studies, or I should say, you can't see what personality behind a score.
Therefore, to keep my attributes, I fondly believed leaving them behind is the best way to enjoy my school life.
But I was wrong.
Peer pressure, relationships, school work are still the chains clinging me tightly.
I thought of "being myself", while I care about what I look in a different eye;
I thought of "blessing others", while my heart is going to tear apart;
I thought that they would know, while the truth is faded behind careless laughters.
These contradictions keep quarreling in my head and seem to tear my head into pieces.
Still, I regard myself not always pessimistic. I'm not glad to be sticked with a label such as--"She is boring". Just because of that then everyone dislike to talk to a person, keeping a distance among people? How ridiculous. Doesn't that mean they hold the discrimination themselves?
I thought there couldn't be always sunny, neither rainy.
The point is that we should try to control the weather, have the ability to predict when the next storm is coming, how to ease the disaster, and how to do without harming others.
I want to go under the rain, to feel the chill soaking into my skin, and finally, make a confidence stride forward.
I hope that one day, I will no longer pretend that I'm smiling in the way I get used to,
but take a sincere and brilliant smile with me, leaving here.
~S~
＿
其實上面只是我寫在週紀裡的一篇內容，
當然我才沒那麼沒良心，阿珠看的是中文啦，
不過我已習慣讓這裡穿插中英文了，所以就將就些吧
Sheryl Crow - Strong Enough
