Fate depends on your Face

「明明是考國文，竟然敢給我寫英文？妳不要命了嗎？」
「一開頭就給我扯到什麼命相學，什麼典故不會，
　就只知道『龍生龍，鳳生鳳，老鼠的兒子會打洞』？教都白教了！」


這是當我在段考完那天晚上晒衣服時，
邊晒邊演給我姊看的「情境模擬」劇。
只為恥笑自己寫了篇荒唐的作文，口口口決定命運

相信不少人看到題目當場傻眼，就如同我一樣，呆愣了半晌
結果我寫了，「一張臉，決定命運」
收尾還硬是坳了句－－

「所以有人說:"Fate depends on your face." 不是沒有道理的」
事實上，不是有人說，是我自己掰的（扣分）


沒想到－－She baught it.　（她買帳了）

「結尾用了句諺語，首尾呼應得很好」

在台下我忍不住想偷笑，實在承受不起令人心虛的讚美，還有那不實至名歸的分數
我想，拿回考卷的當下我呆愣的時間跟寫的時候是相同的。


不過，真正讓人跌破眼鏡大聲叫好的是我們班的正妹，
雖然她寫的文章在她本人堅持下僥倖脫逃，

但她下的題目真的是不令人想看都難－－
「妳實在很大膽耶，怡澤，『沒有什麼』可以決定命運？」
她實在有夠可愛XD（可愛到該抓去槍斃XDD! just kidding.）



－

昨日一段考完，去動物園，盡情享受被雨淋的快感
很多人一到就趕緊跑去夜行館，實在是太....聰明了
但終究是被淋了整身濕

感覺好像不是我們人看動物，是動物在看人
隱約會聽到，「媽！那是什麼？」
「那就叫落湯雞，寶貝」
好吧中山女高的孩子為木柵動物園添了個新品種－－俗名落湯雞


我一到首先就衝去看長鬃山羊，美麗的生物:)
俗名是台灣羚羊，看來還跟我有點兒親戚關係XD

當時只看到兩隻，一隻小的
雖然在雨中，我視力不好又看不清楚，但我很高興能再度見到牠們

然後我在一旁的台灣獼猴區獨自撐著傘待了一會兒


噢那些獼猴真是可愛，
雖然以往常聽爸爸形容在山上生活時時遭受牠們騷擾
但我想牠們淘氣的形象還是很討人喜愛的，哈哈


有一隻小獼猴，從獨木橋的一端一蹦一跳跳過去
中間正好擋著一隻較年邁的，在打瞌睡
所以小獼猴就索性把牠當跳板，從牠頭頂跳過去，實在很沒禮貌
結果老獼猴也只是醒過來，轉頭看看，又回頭睡了XDD

總覺得牠們是最具互動性的生物


後來也沒啥機會看太多東西，雨實在下得太大了
姑且學同學到夜行館避雨
燈光好，氣氛佳，這裡似乎是睡覺的好地方
但是一遇到我們班的那群

噢慧班的小朋友們，可不可以別吵了？丟臉丟斃了XD"


唉唉就這樣啦，事實上如果有機會的話，
下次等天氣好了我好想找趙明杰（受我們訪問的動物園動物組組長）
無奈這次沒帶任何伴手禮.....

「那就買動物園內的紀念品當伴手禮好了，這樣會不會被揍XD？」
我才正想說咧=　=　智障黃乙喬


－


唉唉，該怎樣說才好呢？

我根本一點都不懂妳
也許我是已經花了好幾個星期，甚至是好幾個月
只為嘗試去"了解"妳一點罷了

這也就是為什麼，那時我會做那樣的選擇吧

Sometimes I just want to be in your shoes, maybe it hurts,
but I just want to know what pain you've been suffering for.

And, within that thought, I could find myself no longer painful.


這對妳而言也許很不公平，
因為我不曾讓妳真正了解我

當我想開口的時候 ，面前除了同一團的氣體分子，什麼也沒有
如果可以，我說的是如果
如果有人願意佇足諦聽，　我會很開心地　說




Matchbox Twenty - Push (Live)

A Thousand Miles Away

As someone says,
"You love your parents, but oftentimes you do not like them."
On the contrary, I loathe someone but I do not hate that person anyway. 　我恨你，但是我並不討厭你

After undergoing some complex matters which are still left unsolved, I often feel ill at ease while talking to another, trying hard to come up with any jokes so that I could get myself involved into a conversation.

However, it often turned out to be in an opposite way.
I retreat to my place, going on with those sound bites, while I have a hollow smile on my face which makes me filled with disgust at myself.
Many times I wanted to escape from that situation, find another shelter, or just let out a cry. But I can't.

So I ran. I ran a thousand miles.
Actually, I havn't run that far--only twenty circles on the playground, just to get rid of thinking myself so ugly. I don't wanna think anymore.

I'm not a pessimistic person. That is how I convince myself. The reason that I cannot bring out the real "Stephanie" is that as I let out a part of my innermost emotions to someone else, I often find myself being hurt. What's more contradictive, that caused not by others, but by the thought of putting the blame on me.

It will never end, you know.

Her existence makes you lose yourself.
Every time you saw that guy, you may think that it is hard to tell apart the differences between us, for you have found her so similar to you. But no one knows, just because you hide yourself.

It is a waste of time to think of those trivial matters, and even more, you waste your time when you feel you're alone. I didn't refuse to loneliness for a period of time, for that is the way how people gain insights into themselves.

But now, even loneliness has left me, followed by another friend.
His name is sorrow.


We are close enough, just a reach to touch.
But it feels like our hearts are a thousand miles away.

~S~



Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

Let me disappear for a moment.

Walk Upon The Water

What's up? Gang.

星期五，下午的課我整個罷掉了
因為我跑出學校聽一場難得的生物演講，
當初之所以沒邀同學一塊兒罷課是因為－－

第一，我前一天晚上才知道這個消息
（雖然本人也是二話不說隔天就隨性地請事假）
第二，那場演講全程是英語，心想那位對生科一樣有興趣的朋友似乎對英文很感冒，所以作罷

那天我一聽說是2002年的諾貝爾獎得主前來演講，
抱著十句只要聽懂一句就好的消極心態，我還是去了
反正他講了一百句，我就聽懂十句話了不是嗎？How nice!


怎知最後是十句可憐只聽懂一個單字
（也沒那樣誇張）
只不過沒想到這位美國佬口音這麼重，
所以即便英文再好的人也很難猜出他在說什麼
相信他有不知從哪兒混來的血，說不定是俄羅斯或印度

從頭到尾唯一興奮一次的便是當他在投影片上放了一張圖，
我一看就認出那是血紅素
很可愛的四陀泥鰍打結的結構，上方還有兩個折板

不過看懂圖有什麼(屁)用，
我幾乎是消耗所有腦力仔細地聽外國佬在講些什麼
噢，過程中還要不時把身旁兩位打瞌睡的物理學家搖醒
真是...太難看了！唉唉...果然他倆個二類人就是對生物沒感興趣


說到二類，我也發現自己跟家中那位一類人一樣有代溝
上回有一次我跟她說：

「颱風明天好像快來了，真是糟糕....」
「所以說，妳跟別人的約會就要『胎死腹中』囉？」


我頓了一下

「.....妳是說，『流產』？」

噢媽呀，不愧是一類人，用了個四字成語來考我
害我腦袋瓜轉了一下


記得前幾天，我和媽媽去探望阿嬤後
回程的車上，母女倆不知怎麼聊的

她提到：「的確，當你跟人家說『自己的媽媽忘了自己的名字』時，
那種感覺是有點兒難過。不過，也沒辦法啊！反正阿嬤還在，能夠跟她說到一句話就很開心了。」


「那麼，媽，說說看，我叫什麼名字？」

「嘿－－我不記得了耶，什麼羚的，
　是不是叫『趕羚羊』？」

我白了她一眼
更狠地說了一句，

「我是不是應該這樣回妳－－『她，媽的』？」

老實說這兩個最近很流行的國罵被吵得蠻兇的
其實看一看新聞也挺無聊，不如轉到國家地理頻道


之前在車上，媽媽嫌說車子的音樂CD聽都聽膩了
叫姐姐幫她找其他首歌燒成一片換換口味，可是她又很挑

「我想要換一點輕音樂，但不是太輕的那種
　聽了會鼓舞的，又會讓人心情平靜的，要有點韻律，
　但不是重金屬，節拍不要太快。」


我blurted out：
「老姊，那妳就替媽找那首『大悲咒』吧」

腦中響起一片讓人身心平靜的佛經，
背景還有節拍不會太快的「叩　叩　叩」聲


想起來，之前暑假去參加師大生科營隊時
學生宿舍是四人一間，每個人都有個連著睡鋪的專屬小書桌

當我隨意地選了個睡鋪放下背包，我很訝異地發現
書桌前方貼了張大悲咒原文
不知是哪個學生貼的，害我還細細讀了一番，
只是光是去「讀」它還真耗費了我不少腦細胞

「罰沙罰參，佛囉舍耶，呼嚧呼嚧摩囉，呼嚧呼嚧醯唎」
「薩婆阿他豆輸朋，阿逝孕，薩婆薩哆那摩婆薩哆那摩婆伽」


噢我的老天，害我每晚在書桌前整理自己抄寫的蟑螂筆記時，
每當我一想打瞌睡，抬眼望著它唸了幾句，精神又為之振奮

難怪師大的學生如此聰明！
只不過，現在回想起來，還是會不禁嘆一口氣，
那時多想跟朋友一同在生科營中打滾哪
如果能有人分享共同的回憶就真是太好了。

不過，能聽到朋友說看自己妹妹在舞台上表演很開心，
我也一樣為她感到高興。
「笑容就像乳溝一樣，擠一擠就有了。」



最後，我又想起了一件事，
我去聽演講前先去了趟媽媽的辦公室，等她忙完了再一道過去
我看她翻那場在圓山辦的吳健雄科學營之後所做的文字和回憶照片集

她鬼叫：「天啊！他們把妳媽拍得好醜！」
我湊過去看看

「妳看嘛，雙層下巴，每一張都看起來好胖，
　而且這張我還心神不寧地看旁邊！」

我大笑

她繼續抱怨，「為什麼別人家翁啟惠、
葉公杼替人加頒獎都只放了兩張， 我這麼胖卻連放了五張照片？」

我冷冷地回答：「因為妳可以佔版面。」


要吐物理學家的槽，並不難
不過要考好物理考卷，真的很難
看來我是畢生累積太多「口福」了，要減少一些verbal abuse才行
老天請不要當我！

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You've got to see this!
I found it on Youtube. It's a video originally taken by a woman called Cynthia Holmes. How adorable! And this video turned out to be mixed with many songs.
But I only picked this version, which lyrics are more touching to me.


With a little love, and some tenderness
We'll walk upon the water
We'll rise above this mess

With a little peace, and some harmony
We'll take the world together
We'll take em by the hand

cause I've got a hand for you
cause I wanna run with you


It sounds just like a prayer.
I hope everyone has found someone that's willing to hold your hand :)
Or all you need is to reach out your hand for someone you treasure.

By the way, they are not BEAVERS(海狸). They are OTTERS(水獺)!
See the friendly grasp at -0:22? Awww~~So sweet!

~S~



Otters holding hands
Hold My Hand - Hootie And The Blowfish

My Life Is Brilliant

Okay, after taking my friend's advice, I've got to make this short.

I've finally finished taking all of these tiring tests. What I mentioned is not only the one we had at school, but the GEPT for me personally. I applied for the middle grade, just to earn back a certificate as others. But I found it a waste of time spending hours sitting in an unfamiliar classroom, waiting the test to begin.

Anyway, after receiving a grade 117 I got for both reading and listening (at that time it's quite beyond my expectations, 'cause I thought I would have more than three questions answered wrong), I hoped the test would be ended as soon as possible...and now it's over. Thanks God!


Somehow it was fun during the speaking part. Oh, by the way, for writing, it wanted us to write down one of the cartoons we like most in our childhood. I wrote down--"My favorite cartoon tells a story about a little boy who wanted to become the greatest cook in China. " bla bla bla. Yeah, you may guess. It is "小當家". And one of the reasons I listed is that I could imagine myself eating the most delicious food on earth when I was actually having an ordinary meal.

As for speaking, though I hadn't prepared for it any, I wasn't nervous at all before the test. Besides, at present I think I've given some silly answers. I remember one of them was this question--

"Have you ever bought something from the vendor?"
"Yes, indeed I have. I've bought stinky tofu, because...because I like to eat it (this sentence is not quite meaningful..), and it really smells good for me (what if the judges don't like stinky tofu? Who cares!)"


When it was all over, we still had to wait for them to do the final checkup. I've got to listen the recording. It's a bit weird to listen to your voice coming out of the earphones, and that voice sounds as if it came from another person, which means we often did not know what our voices sound like. I used to expect it deeper and more...gentle (no, no, I'm not narcissistic).

Lately I had a date with my old friend. She looks the same as the last time I saw her, energetic, funny and plus silly. As we were fooling around the campus, she said,

"I'm a bit hungry. I hadn't eaten my breakfast you know. (which means I've asked her out too early) Let's go to Yamazaki, shall we?"

"What is 'Yamazaki'?" I asked.
"Geez! You live here, and you don't know what Yamazaki is!"
"= =...yah, I live here, so what is it?"
"Hah-hah....Let me tell you. Here is my backyard!"

And we almost got lost in her "backyard".
Anyway, we made it to Yamazaki, which is a bakery, and we had a chat there.

During the talk she asked me the never-ending question again, why I type my blog in English?
Ok, if there should be a reason, then I would say--"Just for practice." since I knew my poor English was just about average and it had to be improved, while in front of her I even seemed more awkward...ha hah. Just for practice, and every time I type these things it may help me to think more in a different way.


I'm so glad to see her again. Believe it or not, she accidentally got through to me on the night I had just surfed the star signs on the Net. And it happened to tell me that day an old friend would call me. Anyway, I still don't believe in star signs (most of the time it is not that accurate)...

This song is Shantung's favorite song, from her favorite singer (or should I say, "Her husband"?)--James Blunt. After beeing bombarded by her words saying over and over again how much she loved him, I finally got up to check out this old video. And, truely, he is brilliant.
But he couldn't compare with mine, Eric Martin.
Ha-hah! (Shhhh--don't tell her)

~S~



James Blunt - You're Beautiful

來不及

這次，開個特例，寫點中文好了


由於前幾天，已有一大堆人跑來問我網址，
為免除讓一堆人進來看到的那一瞬間被嚇到心臟病病發，
本人就大發慈悲地，延緩各位被秒殺的時間
在網誌上頭寫點中文...

好啦，其實是本人今天腦殘
有些人問我為什麼要轉頻寫英文？
沒為什麼

說句玩笑話，如果你很有耐心地從第一篇開始看起
就知道我是為了做「為人新娘婚前訓練」，
若我可以口出一句句溜到不行的美國話
想必此刻我已是身著新娘禮服、手拿捧花
二話不說地衝上飛機飛往新郎的身邊去了

哈哈....可我依舊歸屬自己是台灣人
只不過多添了分美國人吊兒啷噹的性子罷了


－


颱風天，一段洗刷塵囂的時間
在家中無所事事，只能望著窗外的雨橫來豎去劈哩啪啦下著

星期天就顯得風平浪靜
家中四個女人出門，唯一的男人已乘著颱風飛往美國去了
（我不承認家中那隻太監是男性）
先是去探望阿嬤，再來去了趟超市

我們家說也奇怪，別人都是趁菜價未漲前大肆採購
我家偏偏是挑好時間散金散銀


逛超市，意外間發現了個有趣的東西
「原來這裡也會賣啊！」　我心中想
所以便揀了一支逗貓棒放進菜籃

回到家中興高采烈地拿出來「試玩」
英文老師都說，絕不能寫成"I play my pet."
一定要寫"I play with my pet."
可我就是覺得我在玩他們，不是和他們玩
甚至也有可能是「被他們玩」


果真，效果出奇地好
他們被我逗弄得忽上忽下，忽左忽右
只是沒想到後來發生了慘案

那隻胖貓，俗稱太監，
竟猛咬著那支棒子不鬆口
伴著帶威脅性的低吼，嘴咬逗貓棒
硬是和我們拉扯

「又沒人和你搶！快放開！米豆仔！！」
姊姊尖叫著

不得已之下，我只好挺身而出，盤腿坐定
一手托住他的上顎，一手掰開他的下顎
拚命撬開他的嘴，從他嘴中救出才剛新買的逗貓棒

此景就好比電視上看到的馴獸師一般，
不過少了分驚悚，多了分滑稽之感

「你這隻－－該死的太監－－」

好不容易，費盡九牛二虎之力才把已沾滿口水的逗貓棒取出
站在一旁的咪卡，用一臉難以言喻的神情望著我們，
好似她已不肯認先前被她玩得不亦樂乎的這支逗貓棒了

唉唉，連我手上都沾滿了他的口水


－


近幾天，在學校有些心煩意亂
每天早上睜眼，腦中想著的便是不想上學
但每回我還是硬撐著身子去了


星期五，颱風前夕
原本陰霾的心情有些豁然開朗
因為白天班上的楊丹寧跑來問我一件事情，
問我願不願意為她代班？當然願意！
我問為什麼？她說因為她知道我很會畫畫

噢嗎呀，被這樣的一位美人稱讚很會畫畫，
乾脆當下撞牆死去算了，搞不好會含笑著上天堂
天知道她怎會知道我畫一些拙劣不成名氣的小圖？

反正呢，她的一個微笑就能讓人瞬間昇華


－
這幾天，有人說我看起來心情不快樂
也有人說我對她很壞，是嗎？
是啊，我本來就對人很差
"moody Stephanie" 這是剛學到的語句


前幾天，忘了是哪一天，我去了醫院探望一個人，
那個人是我阿嬤
說祖母就顯得太疏遠了，我還是習慣以最親近的方式叫她
阿嬤

上一週媽媽出國開會，在她回來的前一天夜裡
大舅媽打電話過來，問說媽媽什麼時候回來？
我說明天，問是什麼事？
她說，「妳阿嬤發燒住院，等妳媽回來有空再來看看她吧」
我當下聽了很緊張


在媽媽這趟出國前，還有聽聞阿嬤出了些「異狀」
說是有一天在家裡包餃子，她突然說自己忘了要怎麼包
大舅媽在一旁包了幾次給她看，她還是不會


再來是翻照片給她看的時候，她認不出照片中的女兒
叫不出她們的名字
不大對勁，也許是真的逐漸喪失了記憶，
會遺忘兩個遠在美國的女兒這點還能讓人推思
沒想到

「－－她突然間都叫不出我們的名字，會說一些別人聽不懂的話，好像是日文。之後她就發高燒住院，現在情況好些了，先待在醫院觀察。」

大舅媽在話筒另一端耐心地解說


隔天，我在學校的時間媽媽就先回來了
放學後我到了她的辦公室，才剛踏進門
她就對我說：「妳回來啦，太好了！等會兒我們就去醫院看阿嬤吧。」

辦公桌上堆疊著未處理完的公務文件，電腦螢幕上顯示著一封封未開啟的信件
雖然剛回國必定很疲憊，我卻看得出她神色中帶有的不安

「阿嬤情況怎樣？」
「...說目前推估可能是腦後方出血，或是有腫瘤，壓迫到腦神經，才會有這一連串的異狀。也許就因為這樣，才會出現語言和記憶上的問題。」
媽媽說了一連串讓人聽了懵懵懂懂的話，我只是嗯回應了一聲
隨後就跟去了醫院


怎麼會發生這種事情？在她九十歲生日來臨之際
原本是說要在十月底，連同表姊的訂婚辦一場盛大的生日宴
偏偏就在這幾天


猶記當年自美國回來，五歲的我和阿嬤同住
那時的她是個很令人憐愛的老人家
也是個很可愛的老人家，只是當時幼小的我什麼都不懂


每當我國小放學，鐘聲響起的那一剎那
我興沖沖地奔下樓梯，為的就是投入媽媽的懷抱，攜手搭車回家
不過常常不是這樣

下樓來第一眼看到的是個個子嬌小－－也許是因為她背微駝的關係，
在那兒已久候多時的阿嬤
她用很親切的台語問候，

「下課啦？羚羚...」
我卻是嘟著嘴，不理睬地走過她身邊
因為我知道，肯定是爸媽太忙無法接我，今天又得自己走回家了


從學校走到家裡大概要三十分鐘，一路上祖孫兩人都不大說話
只見一位老人緩慢地走在前頭，而一個小女孩以她那小小的步伐亦步亦趨地跟在後頭

回家的路上會經過一家具古董味的雜貨店，
阿嬤每次都會轉過身來問我，
「羚羚，妳嘴乾嗎？要不要阿嬤買點東西給妳喝？」
我當然說好


我一蹦一跳地跑到冰櫃前，裡面陳列著琳瑯滿目的飲料
我毫不猶豫地選了我愛喝的－－巧克力牛奶
味全鮮乳牌，令人懷念的四方盒子，上面有個像似露滴狀的圖案

在付錢的當時，我伸手要取頭頂上方的吸管，可是人太矮，搆不著
那時阿嬤會好心地幫我拿
然後我就邊啜飲著美味的飲料，邊如往常那樣尾隨在她後頭


一路上兩人都不多話，但是四周的蟬聲卻掩蓋了那份靜默
夏天炎熱的風吹在我臉上，樹影錯落在眼前老人的背影上
使她那件花麻褂衣裳顯得更花了，
我偷偷注視著她的背影

當年幼小的我發現，她雖然走得緩慢，偶爾還有點顛簸
但每一步她都很用心地在走


「喀滋喀沙」「喀滋喀沙」
耳邊仔細諦聽一陣微妙的聲音，原來那是她腳步踩在石頭路上的聲音
多麼好聽

小小的孫女學著前方的老人，一步一步慢慢地走著
卻怎樣也弄不出那樣的聲音

當我將目光從腳上移到前方的這名老人身上，
夏天的陽光灑落在她泛白的髮絲、在她的肩膀
好像她整個人都在微微發光
我這才發現，原來阿嬤的背影有多麼溫暖
多想待久一點，在這段時間


一晃眼兒，我卻已佇足在家門口，
阿嬤開了鎖，我踮起腳尖才能讓小手搆到門把
推門進去

一晃眼兒，我又佇足在家門口，
這時的我已長高了，門把及我的小腹
我輕輕鬆鬆地推開門


平常習慣回家前，遠遠地便望見落地窗，
家中煦煦的燈光透著窗簾映照在心裡，那是一種暖和的感覺
因為我們便知道家裡有人在等待，等待我們回家
那就是阿嬤

只是那樣的情景，自我升上高中便不復在了
她在我考高中的那年便搬到大舅舅那兒住了，經過了這十年
即便已習慣了這三年回到家中一片漆黑的景象，我還是會想念她



她真是個可愛的老人家
現在想起來，腦中憶起的畫面大都是她默默地坐在沙發椅上
要不是看看報紙，就是很勤奮地拿起棒針在打毛衣

以往每年她都會織幾件給她女兒穿，其中兩件還得送到美國，
我媽媽也有一件，有著灰色格子花紋，十分漂亮
還記得那繡線是媽媽親自挑的
我也有一件，是很小的時候阿嬤織給我穿的

到底放哪兒去了？我忘了
只記得那時的我不常穿，因為幼小無知，不懂事
嫌那件顏色不喜歡，所以穿了一兩次就沒再穿了



「我打給妳四阿姨說，今年她恐怕不能再為她織一件毛衣了
嘩！她聽了多緊張，說馬上要趕回來！哈哈...」
大舅媽語氣一派輕鬆地對我們講，實在很難看出這幾天都是她日日夜夜地在照顧阿嬤

前一刻剛到醫院，進到病房後也都是她在招呼我們
她一定是想再累也要面帶微笑地迎接我們，大舅媽真的花費了許多精力


我第一眼看到阿嬤好端端地坐在椅子上，
腳上蓋著條毛毯，病房內的電視播放著她以往常看的台灣連續劇「愛」

「阿母，我們來看妳了！」媽媽面帶笑容地上前給阿嬤一個擁抱
「問問看她還記不記得妳，來，她叫什麼？」

阿嬤沒有回應，只是眼神透露著歡欣愉悅，似乎是歡迎我們的到來

「她叫什麼名字？」大舅媽又問了一次
這時她沉默了片刻，之後有些為難地搖了搖頭，面帶苦笑
「沒關係啦。」
「她是認得妳的，阿母，她是麗瓊，妳女兒啊」
見她點了點頭

「看吧，她認得妳，只是叫不出名字。」，大舅媽開懷地笑了笑
「現在燒是退了，明天要做腦部掃描，
看情況醫生會不會准許她出院。」


我靜靜地坐在阿嬤身邊，聽她們談論些事情
阿嬤的眼神如以往明亮，還帶了幾許童貞，
即便是滿佈皺紋的臉，卻一點也顯現不出老態

跟她說話十句有八句是對不上邊的，
她很用心在聽，也會予以回應
只不過偶爾搞不懂她在說些什麼，但從她嘴上時時刻刻提的這句話看來，我們都知道－－她想回家


「生醫回去了吧？」
「生醫？」
「她是說醫生」　
大舅媽不假思索地解釋，可見得她已經多少了解阿嬤的意思

「生醫已經回去了吧？那我也可以回去了。」
「那恐怕還不行，阿母，妳還要在這兒睡一晚」
「睡一晚？睡一晚就可以回去了？好、好....」

在她身旁的人眼神都透露著憐惜，
感覺像是很不忍心要她勉強待在這種地方，
只能說服她說「過一兩天就可以回去了」
可以回家去


我問她，「阿嬤，妳在這兒睡得好嗎？」
「有，阿就ㄊㄨㄟˋㄏ一ㄨ啊」
雖然很多話都聽不懂，但我想她是明白我的意思
我也只是含笑回應，強忍著淚水不讓它往下流

畢竟，知道她身體很好
雙眼還是那麼的清澈
只是忘了一些過往的片段、忘了我們的名字
那又怎樣呢？
她還在我們身邊哪，雙手還是溫熱的


我這才發現她握著我的手，像以往她握著我的小手一樣

離開病房前，我們都向阿嬤道別，說下次會再來
她很高興地笑笑，又是那句話
「那我也來回去了」


這幾天，我們常常去看她
颱風天前她出院回到大舅媽家了，大舅媽是個退休老練的護士長
可以在家中照顧她，她也比較安心


我多想趁這段時日，雖不知能持續多久，
一有空就到她身邊，告訴她我有多麼愛她

千萬別在一個人離你而去之時，你才恍然大悟
明白自己忘了說那句來不及讓對方聽見的話
那就是－－「我很愛你」

永遠別說來不及

A Fly In The Ointment

Ha ha ha ha!
Guess what? This is the first time I committed a crime!

Yesterday after school, I went to see the movie-- "Lust Caution".
With five people barring the pavement, it seemed we were going to have a gun fight. The first one to hit upon such an idea of going to the movies was the dyed-in-the-wool 18-year-old Little Pan, and it turned out to be a six-people outing.

As the school bell rang, we all rose from our seats and went out the classroom in a haste. Everyone passed by were making jokes of us, calling us "Lust Caution Group" (which means, "色戒團"). In the meantime, we found two members having forgotten to bring their clothes-- one was Little Pan, and the other was me (how embarrassing...). As I am a fake 18, I could only borrow a jacket from one of them, so that my uniform wouldn't be that shiny. But it seemed that we were too cautious about how to fool the ticket seller. After all, she just asked us a simple question: "Are you 18?" and we answered yes quickly, which seemed more unconvincing. And the six tickets all came into our hands with ease.

After the show, we came out from the theater with satisfaction, sharing different feelings about the movie. However, I won't tell you any single word of it. Just wait to see until you are 18 XD!

Oh, something funny has come to my mind. I remember that day in the English class, Stephanie introduced a new phrase-- a fly in the ointment, which means "an evil member of the herd" (害群之馬), more correctly, "a shit of the mouse ruins the whole porridge". And Big Orange came up a question:

"Why do they say it 'a fly in the ointment'?"

The teacher thought for a while and said:
"'Cause if a fly has been stuck into the ointment, it couldn't be used for your skin anymore."

"Then WHY NOT just pick it out from the ointment?? It still can be used!" She yelled.

At the same time, I thought to myself,
So, would you just pick that shit out of the porridge and continue to eat that thing?

~S~

Promise Her The Moon

Hey guys. I'm back!

Sorry that I kept you waiting...yeah, I know it's been a long time. I've just come back from Nantou, my hometown. And I find myself infected by my sister...not so much a flu but a sore throat, and running nose...so now I am a patient. I have to warn ya-- Don't taunt me at school!

Tomorrow will be the Moon Festival. Thank goodness so far we've got a bunch of moon cake from Dad's and Mom's students. Now all I have to worry about is my weight. How I wish someone could help me consume all of these fat oil things...

I went back to my grandparents' home for only one night, seeing if they were ok, having a reunion with some of my cousins. But one thing is truly a surprise for me. I found an old book from some of those dusted bookshelves. Leafing over some pages, I found it was a book necessary for me. I can benefit from it a lot, 'cause it tells the information of those endangered species on this island (including my favorite Formosa Antelope)-- very detailed and practical. Most of all, it was written in both Chinese and English! So I can learn about those unique animals and practice my English as well. How nice it is to kill two birds in one stone!

Okay....I gotta go. Just to tell you that I'm fine.
The last thing-- Hope we'll have a beautiful moon on tomorrow's Moon Festival!

~S~


Here is a lovely song called "Promise her the moon".
Oh my, short pants! lol... anyway, forgive them...they are the 90's.
Besides, still, he looks sooo cute doesn't he?
I hope you'll like it.


Mr. Big - Promise Her The Moon

Blowing me Away

Goshhhh!

It was not until the teacher came into our classroom and told us the big news that I finally noticed a big typhoon was coming. And I got to know the next day was a break day when I had just been much familiar with this typhoon for less than four hours.
Actually, I was so reluctant to have a day break, 'cause if it were not the typhoon, we should have three quizzes (two for English, one for Chemistry), and a biology experiment. And now they're waiting for us ahead, bumping all together. How nice to have a day break! Grrrr...

But, after all, I gave up complaining. Since the rain kept falling down and down all--day, it wasn't too bad to stay at home, I thought. It wasn't wise for a man to get under the down-pour. So, I began to read my books, sometimes enjoying watching the raindrops falling. I stared into the distance by my window, wondering if its silence held the answer to my questions.
Everything was so quiet, you know.

Everyone, I mean every human, would have thought about these questions before: How do people think of me? Do the one I love also regards me as a friend worth spending time with? Or everything I did for her is just in vain?
In fact, no one exactly knows the answer, but keeping them in mind often used to make me knew how to deal with people, or contrarily, it pushed me into the whirlpool.
But now, I finally realize there is no use thinking all of these questions, since you will never be the person who you always worry over.

Someone I couldn't remember exactly said that...you would never be in others' shoes because they were not fit to your feet anyway. But you could stay by her side and walk with her along the way, and then you knew how she felt, even her pain.

I think friends are not chains that cling you tightly. Sometimes a boundary may make a person seem so far away from you, but all you have to know is that-- she is there, or rather the distance will be even better for both of you.
You have your own life, so does she. There's no reason to let another person take them all away from you. The truth is, only when you come to recognize yourself, the light shining in yourself, do you realize how much a friend have given to you. But seldom did people say thank you, only thinking the loss of themselves, never trying to come out.

I know I have come out of the rain, despite with scars and wounds carved on my body. I don't care how people think of me, just because I'll be pleased only if I follow my heart. I go when it shows me the way.

Anyway, sometimes thinking of these things is quite interesting. Figuring out what comes into your mind is not as boring as chewing those textbooks.
Tonight we had curry for dinner. As I was peeling the potato, I looked at it for a while and said to my sister,
"Potato,"
"Huh?"
Then I turned around and pointed at my father, who was watching TV,

"Couch potato."

She laughed.
Humph, cooking is not just a women's business.

~S~



Stand Still Look Pretty -- The Wreckers




I found this video in search of the song from "the wreckers", since I've listened to one of its members' songs before. However, I could only find this video which sounds much clearer than any others. Although I don't know who the dancer is, I think she's beautiful.

And I get you another one.
Check this out! Coool


Wonderwall

Wonderful Day

Remember me? Long time no see, guys!

We have finished our first mocks this day, and it was truely burning us all out!

All of us raised our both hands into the air and shouted: "Hurraay!!" at the moment the bell rang. Then we exchanged different opinions of how we wrote the writing part during the exam. For the title "Youth" in the Chinese subject, some said their mind went blank and that had been staring at the test paper for more than ten minutes; others said their youth had already died for these no-ending tests.

As for the English subject, though I didn't do well at the first part, I could say, I felt quite happy when I wrote under the title-- An Unforgettable Family Activity. Despite having chosen a common subject to write with, which was mountain climbing, I tried to use every word I learned to describe the special feeling of taking an adventure in the unpolluted nature. So, instead of taking the test too seriously, I think I regarded it as a little challenge that worth facing, and enjoyed taking the tests, for I could learn fom them.

Ok, finally the test was over, and I got two of my classmates-- also friends-- with me to Haggen dazs! Envy me? Hah ha....We had promised each other for the date long long ago, but it was never carried out, due to the typhoon. And then we eventually made it a date.

We spent a great evening there, tasting delicious (also high-priced) ice cream. Sharing a glass of chocolate milk, with three small balls of ice creams and bubbling cream floating on top of it, we found it too difficult to take the first bite-- how could you ruin this masterpiece? But eventually we did, for our stomach starving throughout the day should be paid off. However, we ate it in small mouthfuls, due to the cost of 240....

"Hey! Lin-yi! One drop of chocolate is sliding from the side! Quick! Shovel it! Don't waste any drop-- or it will not just cost us two-forty"
"I'm trying! 300, 280, 270, thirty left...Phew! 240"

or "I can't believe you've spilled one drop on the table! That cost $1!"
"I'm sorry (hiding her head)"

They both are funny. I just couldn't help but burst out laughter all the while.

After this pleasant date, we waved goodbye and went home. How nice it is to spend time with your friends after a tiring day!

~S~






My sister accidentally shot this picture of him when we were watching TV.
Someone gave a comment to this picture which was that-- "He who holds the remote control is god!"
Quite funny.

Pretending Young

Oh, today is Saturday, the beginning day for my weekend. But I just can't keep myself from missing all of you and the days we shared together all the while. It seems that I should belong to school but not this place where I've been staying in 16 hours a day for twelve years.

Although the first mock exam is just around the corner, I'm here to tell you that...nothing can stop me from writing! But, hey, I'm not that kind of person who abandons himself to cyberspace. I'm just stealing a moment from burying myself under the pile of textbooks.

Well, I'm in a great mood yesterday at school.
Despite having been scared by a nightmare before the day was started, everything went on smoothly...Huh? What nightmare? Well....I dreamed of my friend being chased by a violent bull, and it turned out that she was seriously hurt by the tip of the horns...Hey, that's not funny at all. In that dream, I was too stunned to do anything for her, but just watching her being thrown into the air, and then touching to the ground heavily. Of course I felt pretty down at the moment I woke up, but I was glad to find out it was just nothing but a dream that wouldn't come true anyway. And that girl playing a part in the haunting dream even invited me to be her badminton partner in the afternoon PE class. Certainly, I didn't tell her about that dream (or she would have killed me).

Forget about that dream. Anyway, I had a good time during the day. The sky had been cleared up before I went to see my beloved teacher-- Andrea. It was at lunch time that I brought all of my belongings (my lunch box, clothes that could let me change later before the PE class, and, of course, my toothbrush) with me to her place-- you know, they were just in case of not having enough time as I drove back to our classroom.

I waited for her a short time, eating my lunch. After all, it was a long distance between the two buildings from end to end of the playground. She finally showed up, greeting me with a beautiful smile on her face. I wonder why I forgot to tell her how pretty she was at that moment. Then we chatted throughout the break-time.

After sharing me the life of her further education in England, the bell rang just in time. She had one class later on, and I had the chemistry also, so we walked together in the way to our classes. As we passed by the playground, I said, "Don't you feel it's a nice day? --The wind is just like coming from a foreign country." She definitely agreed with me, as the mild breeze kissing our cheeks. She missed the days in England, and I enjoyed earning back a piece of delight after coming out of the rain which belongs to the past.

Accidentally, we came across two people, that handsome guy and the big sister. Andrea didn't recognize him before we both were close enough, even face to face.
"Hi, Andrea." "I didn't notice it was you before I was just going to say something to her."
"Hey!!"
They both looked at each other, laughing.

"Oh, so you've been ignored, poor guy." I said.
Big sister stared at me with her eyes wide open.
"Hey, I didn't know it was you! Stephanie!"

So I've been ignored also, poor me. I said to myself.
"You look a bit different today. Oh, I know. You've bound your hair."
Yeah, many of my classmates had been gazing me with a queer eye lately. But I kept it like that just to keep away from the heat smothering my neck.

Afterwards we said goodbye.

Still, I couldn't tell why I feel so happy on that day. Probably it was for spending time with my former teacher, or bumping into two old friends, or winning two courts during the sweating PE class.
Or, maybe, the nice weather brought these all together.

~S~
.
.
.
.
Mr. Big - Shine

Living Under The Sun

What a tiring day!
Our biology teacher was having us do an experiment throughout the day. And it seemed as if we all have been burned out, worn out and tired out all day long. However, I learned many things from studying....umm..but...I still can't figure out why our biology teacher was such in a bad mood today. Probably it was because some of us broke the samples. It should be quite a loss. Besides, she looked as if her energy has been spoiled and squeezed to the limit by all of these annoyances. I'm worried about her quite a little. Hopefully she wouldn't put herself under so much pressure.

One of the brief interludes on today was that my friend tabbed me as an abnormal person who enjoyed watching a bunch of roaches fed in our school taking baths. Hey! I didn't say I enjoyed it! But just said...Look! How cute they were when they wash their long antennas....Anyhow, she couldn't understand after all.

My Dad has come back home for one day and 4 hours, and my Mom still has to get on with her work for a stay in Germany. Without the chef, these days, I've become a talented dinner-maker, just need a little wariness of keeping an eye on the food. Something (a plumpy, chubby, fluffy fatty) is always showing its eagerness to have a bite on anything I cooked, or even uncooked. Once I gasped at the sight of seeing him stealing a piece of something from the dinner table. Of course I cursed and shouted to him at the top of my lungs, giving some punishments. But later on I couldn't believe that, instead of taking one bite on some of the body parts of the fish, he had just stolen one leaf of the cabbage....Is he a vegetarian?? Hopefully not. I would be glad if he told me he was on a diet.


However, kids, doooo nooooot ever steal one bite from anything on the table before dinner time, unless it is you who cook the food.

~S~
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Mr. Big - Goin' Where The Wind Blows




Paul Gilbert (the guitarist with brown hair at the right) is also one of my favorite musicians! He really resembles one of my classmates who I've been admiring for a long time....I wonder if he has a missing sister.....hmmm. But he was no longer staying in Mr. Big after they had been resting for a couple of years, and then they built up the band once again with another guitarist-- Richie.

A Cat Under The Skirt

Oooh Yeah!!
This is my newborn blog, baby! It's a new start, a new beginning.

Oh, I just saw my cat chasing after his not-long-enough tail in circles....He's not smart enough to notice that he'll never catch his tail anyway. Besides, a tail isn't edible, neither good-tasting.
Perhaps you may think it cute, but for me it's quite silly. To tell you the truth, that fatty often "bumps into" my one-side leg when he's in a hurry (and I'll never know what he's hurrying for)... "Ahhhhhhhh! Watch out before you Walk!!" --and he often ignored what I said, rushing to places where he could find food.

Ok, yeah, I know you're gonna ask me why I removed my blog to this place.
The only reason I can tell you is that-- there's no such reason, just like everyone kept asking me "Why have your hair cut??" I have already told you, I like it so I do so.

But I think it'll be too pitiful for my blog not been given an authorize ceremony...Unlike a piece of news about a 98-year-old lady saying that her stingy grandchild gave her a blog as a birthday present, which turned out to be visited by over 20 thousand people, I would say, this is not a birthday gift for me, but a birthday gift for everyone of you, especially for my blog! Though today probably is not the day you were born anyway, I hope everyone can receive the same joy by taking everyday as a birthday! So I got this blog for you. How superfantastic!

Here comes a question-- what is the word "superfantastic"? You can ask your English teacher, but she may say you've been fancying yourself as God by creating new words.
This word, superfantastic, came from one of the songs by a US singer I loved now. His name is Eric Martin. I've never thought of being captured on the spot of listening to a singer's voice at the first time. I even cannot believe I've become one of his "fans" (this word seems so weird on me). But what I can't deny is that his cracking voice is truely fascinating. Let me share you something about this magnetic young man.

Actually, he's not young at all. He's already 47, but he stays young from his out-looks. Which is more interesting, he looks even younger after he cut his bushy, long, out-of-the-fashion hair, which should belong to the 80's (though I think both of the hairstyle are fit to his image).

The way I got to know him was absolutely an accident. At first I was just searching for some videos taken of 蕭敬騰 on YouTube, one of which he gave a live of singing this song-- "To Be With You". Not until then did I know there was a band called "Mr. Big" releasing these haunting songs. You may not even guess that Stephanie will listen to those "Rock" songs instead of those classics. However, I'm in love with that voice, and I bet you will.

Lately I had a chance to surf on his web-site. I already knew that "Mr. Big" had separated on their way in 2002, ended up at a farewell tour. But the vocalist keeps on performing actively at every spot on the globe.

I was moved by the way he described their breaking-up situation, and the reason for this farewell tour, "Over the last 6 years, I could say...a lot of bridges have been burned, communications break down...It's just like, a 'married couple'. They love each other but they do not like each other any more. But they stay together for the child."
Oh, poor Eric! It seemed that the rest of the members were in conflict with their vocalist (they even didn't attend his wedding). Anyway, let bygones be bygones. He's now active in giving tours throughout the world.

Right now he's on a tour in the southern part of the globe, right now in Australia!
"Why didn't he come to Taiwan? Why couldn't he??" I asked my elder sister in a harsh voice.
"It says--'Down Under', the title of the tour."
"So what?"
"Which means he's giving a tour 'down under' the globe. And we're right here-- in Taiwan, at the Northern Hemisphere."
Goshhh! We're at the damned "Up Above". No wonder he wouldn't come.
Let's sway our bodies and move the island to the south!
Just kidding.

And now he's already 47 (only 1 year older than my parents, amazing!). He has twin sons, who are small enough to be my brother. But in the determination of becoming "Stephanie Martin", I would rather wait for 10 years (just because I've already lost the chance of becoming the "mother". Eric Martin is old enough to be my Dad). He also shows his fondness of his two sons. Being a childlike father, he is sooooo cute when he write about something of them on his blog--

"My little baby boys are not so little anymore. Dylan & Jake are bouncing off the walls…'Ok boys Daddy’s got to write! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!' Anyway you get the picture. But (here comes the disclaimer) they’re so adorable. Every morning I am met with big hugs and mushy kisses…."

"I know, I know, I’m a tardy Mofo when it comes to this news thing…but truthfully I didn’t think you boys & Girls wanted to hear stories about my kids or how many diapers I’ve changed or how many times I have scolded Dylan for screaming at the top of his lungs like I use too when I was his age."

What a good father XD!
So, work on your English. Then you can fly to America and pursue your dreams (becoming Stephanie Martin? Yeah, I'm kidding)!

~S~
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Mr. Big - Superfantastic


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Eric Martin