September 6, 4:26

Someone was weeping.


The sound of her sobs covered the ticking of the clock, which made time pass without notice. I stared at the ground blankly, showing nothing except numbness on my face.

My auntie quietly sat beside me. I could feel her eyes on my side, and she spoke in a gentle touch of a breeze.

"I think she's very happy that she had spent those ten years with you."

I raised my gaze at her and said nothing.
As if she knew I wouldn't talk, she continued.

"All I want to say is...thank you."

I had every reason to be sad, but I kept my face hard to read, trying not to let any emotions take control of myself. I disguised my feelings, which I was always good at.


However, a tear slid down my face.

As if rain couldn't be falling with one drop, tears started welling up in my eyes, and I just couldn't help it. Not until then did I realize how much I miss her.

"No. That's what I should say to her."


_



After ringing several times restlessly in the silence of the dark, someone finally answered the phone.

It was two o'clock in the morning. Weariness kept me from getting out of my bed, so I uncomfortably shifted a little.

From pieces of conversation I overheard, I guessed it was a phone call from the hospital. There were only a few words exchanged before the phone had been hung up. Afterward I heard the front door shut. Then I fell asleep, sinking deeply into my dreams.


3:30

The phone rang again. This time it was from my mother. I didn't know what was going on until my sister woke me up.
We finished dressing in a hurry and drove to the place where we were going to deliver our goodbyes.

_



We arrived there at four-twenty. I could smell medicine flowing in the hallway, and a scent of sadness. I walked directly to the room which kept my grandma and saw everyone was there except that some of my cousins were absent.

My eldest aunt was standing next to her and holding her hand tightly. When she looked up at me all I could see was the tiredness in her eyes. She said in a crack voice.

"Come and hug her."

There was a pause at that moment, and then I walked slowly by my grandma's side.
I bent over and embraced her shoulder. It didn't last a few seconds, and I kissed gently on her forehead.

I had a lot of things to tell her but couldn't come up with any words. Even if I spoke, I didn't know if she could hear me because her eyes were closed and her breathing was disconnected, short and rapid.
It seemed as if she was gasping for air, but a huge stone was on top of her chest and smothering her.
I decided to sit quietly beside her bed and let others take their turn.

Everyone just spoke a few words. After my sister and cousins finished their farewells, my mother came over and pressed her face next to my grandma's cheek, she said the words we had all been yearning to tell her.
"We love you."

I held my grandma's hand and shivered a little by surprise. She was colder than I thought. I felt the warmth in her hand drifting away. I couldn't keep my eyes off her because I was afraid that she would pass away in a blink.

"You won't be feeling pain anymore,"
My voice was a whisper. "...and goodbye."
I could feel my aunt was sobbing with grief at my side. After my grandma exhaled a deep breath, I watched her stop breathing.

There were only silence and a few sobs filling the air.

_


I watched my mother and her sisters wash my grandma's body and change her clothes. They helped her put on her shoes she usually wore, and dressed her in the pajamas my aunt made for her, which were neat and clean.

Eventually they covered her with a blanket and placed a folded napkin under her chin, which could keep her mouth closed. They touched her face gently and made her look like she was smiling.


I had been keeping my mind empty so that perhaps I could recall every piece of memory when I was ready to cry.

However, the smile on her face reminded me of the last time I saw her awake. As soon as she saw us appear in the caring house, a smile spread over her face. Although she couldn't even wave her hand and say hello, I could see that smile touch her gray eyes. She was so beautiful in that memory that I hoped time would freeze at that moment.

Now her time was frozen, forever.


_


I don't believe in God or ghosts, yet I do believe her soul was carefully placed somewhere, somewhere she can rest in peace.
Until now, I still believe it wasn't that we had caught up the last moment, but that she was waiting for us. She gave us the chance to say goodbye and keep her company along the way.

I wrote this in English because most people wouldn't even bother reading it. In this way I could keep the sadness to myself and hope that I didn't show the side of my weakness.

Over time, memories will fade away piece by piece.
However, those that remain will glitter whenever someone recollects them.

At least there is something I can hold on to.